While the dress code at weddings isn’t as strict as it used to be, some guidelines still apply.

A: “Brides can basically wear whatever they want,” says Pamela Fiori, editor-in-chief of Town & Country magazine and creator of a column on manners.

If bridesmaids are footing the bill for their own dresses, they should be allowed input, even though the final choice usually lies with the bride.

Many designers and manufacturers offer co-ordinated collections of three or four gowns in the same colour and fabric, so a bride can choose the material and let her attendants select the style that best suits them, notes Elizabeth Howell, spokeswoman at the Emily Post Institute, which publishes a book on wedding etiquette.

If the bride and groom are paying for the bulk of their wedding, their opinions carry more weight — even over the mothers’ outfits.

However, if the parents are paying, it dilutes the bridal couple’s power.

If a mother’s choice is too flashy or extravagant, it’s fair for the bride to say she had hoped the focus would be on her and the groom, and the mother’s dress might detract from that.

If a mother’s choice is too sexy or revealing, the bride might have to relay that message through her father (if it’s her own mother involved) or through the groom (if it’s his).

Traditionally, the bride’s mother picks her dress before the groom’s mother does, and the two should have some sort of casual co-ordination, Howell says.

“A stepmother might have to rise above a little more than everyone else to make everything go smoothly and for everyone to feel comfortable.

“There’s a way to be honest without hurting her feelings.

White is trickier because respectful guests won’t do anything to take attention away from the bride, she advises.

Follow dress code